Eve Went on to Ruin Everything for Everyone
Crazy lady, pointing at Christmas tree: Is the tree real?Doorman: Yes, ma'am.Crazy lady: Can I go smell the tree?Doorman: Yes, ma'am.Crazy lady, going over to tree: Can ah smell yo, tree? (giggles)...
View ArticleHow Gary Posthumously Came Out to His Parents
Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.Florist #2: Man or woman?Florist #1: Man.Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!Florist #1: We could...
View ArticleAll Couples Eventually Become Lesbian Couples, Anyway
Girl #1: Man, I am so excited to just move.Boy: When you move in with me, can we get a Chia pet?Girl #2: Oh, girl, watch out. You get a Chia pet and it's a slippery slope. Next thing you know, you and...
View ArticleEh, I Hear Its Bark Is Worse Than Its Bite
White guy #1: Whoa, so you're gonna fight me?White guy #2: I think I'm gonna fight you… And maybe that tree. –Steinway St & Broadway Overheard by: One scary looking tree
View ArticleWednesday One-liners Need to Know
Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right? –Central Park Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
View ArticleSo Yada Yada Yada, We Spent the Night in the E.R.
Twin sister #1, indignantly: I tried to get him the least sexual plant I could find. I mean, a cactus, how much less sexual could you get?Twin sister #2, thoughtfully: You really can't get any less...
View ArticleWednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner
Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months! –E 9th St &...
View ArticleIf This Conversation Goes on for Much Longer, There Definitely Isn't a God.
Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?Girl: I believe in mother nature.Boy: You don't believe in god?Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of...
View ArticleGod, I Love Church Retreats
Guy #1: So how was your weekend? Did you go on the trip?Guy #2: It was insane man, a real pagan festival.Guy #1: Really?Guy #2: Yeah, naked girls worshiping a giant tree. Totally crazy.Guy #1: Did you...
View ArticleThat’s What Makes Them Grow
Guy: You always shit on my plants. Girl: You fuckin’ shit on your own plants, asshole. –14th & 3rd Overheard by: Source
View Article
